I’ve had many nightmares. In my dreams and in real life.
Last week I had a pretty intense ‘falling down a lift shaft’ dream. You know those ones where you are falling backwards and you can feel your whole body flinch physically. In this particular dream it didn’t happen just once, but about 4 or 5 times.
The lift was easily up at least 40 or 50 stories above ground zero. In real life, and for my first job when I moved to Sydney at the green and grinning age of 19, I landed my first pay check where every morning the lift doors would open and I’d hear the click-clack of my heels on the jet black and emerald green marbled stone reception floor on the 53rd floor.
It was high. I know what it feels like.
Anyway, I digress.
So I’m sitting in this lift around 50 stories up with a couple of friends by my side, and all of a sudden we start free falling. My worst nightmare.
At first I’m resisting like a dog holding on to his favourite toy… but then somewhere along the way I decide to relax.
Fortunately the fall towards the rock hard earth starts to ease before the break. However instead of coming to a stationary holt - the lift starts moving back up to the top again!
A continuous nightmare.
Over and over again.
After about the fourth round of this rollercoaster ride I never remember paying for, I actually start to feel sick. By this stage I’d become accustomed too the sensation of blind emptiness all around me as I cascaded down…
down...
down...
down…
It was the nausea that actually stopped me.
I looked up and saw a little red phone sitting within the silver panel to the right in the lift. You know one of those old fashioned phones with the dial that you have to stick your finger in and circle right around to call the number? This would now feel completely tedious compared to punching a few digits.
Someone picked up and I asked for help - the dream stopped.
Nightmares always make me feel uneasy the morning after.
I guess perhaps like when you’ve had a big night out and you know you said something, but you’re not sure what and you wonder what’s to come of it in the following days.
I’ve been a vivid dreamer since I can’t remember and over the years I’ve come to discover my own dream language. Specific signs, people and images showing themselves to me. It’s all my subconscious playing out.
Although sometimes, especially lately, I wonder if it’s something else. Like a dream time parallel universe.
But this lift dream… no, it wasn’t one of them. It was for sure my subconscious.
This nightmare a red flag of an emotional upheaval for sure. Trying to warn me about dropping into a fear space and feeling absolutely out of control.
In my waking life I was left scratching my head, wondering what on earth it would be warning me about.
Life was great! Sure I’m busy, but I’m also the happiest I’ve been in a long time and feel really on purpose.
Well… what do you know - not even a week later my emotions got the better of me. Triggered by external events totally out of my control my worst nightmare in real life presented itself in fine form.
Looking straight at me was the prospect of emotional pain and abandonment.
Ouch.
There's a Pandora’s box for another time.
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The situation has come full circle and I’m in back in a good place (thank you boundaries), and with a new level of trust with my subconscious mind. Sometimes I think we give our mind too much of a hard time - always trying to change and control the way it works… but maybe it’s also there to show us the impending red flags?
Life is interesting and dreams are a mystery.
But in amongst the fear angst and free fall… I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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